The Scariest Minute of My Life

I'm going to get a little personal today and talk about something that I haven't mentioned much before, I feel like it is good for me to write about it.
Before I became a mom, I wasn't much of a worrier. I had always heard that once you become a mom, that you worry about everything. Before Gavin was born, I didn't have much anxiety either. Being a mom makes me anxious. Especially at night. when Gavin was a newborn, I was constantly waking up during the night to go check on him to make sure he was breathing. I didn't sleep very soundly, and my worry kept me up a lot of the night. I'm constantly worrying about things that could go wrong, even though I know I can't control them.

Last night was a scary and hard night.

It all started when my Mom took Jayden, Gavin, and I out to dinner. We were finishing our dinner, when we noticed that Gavin was choking on a piece of food. At first he started to cough, but after a few coughs, he couldn't breathe. Gavin looked up at us, helpless. The look on his face is one that I will never forget. Something was wrong. Next, comes the scariest minute of my life. All in a panic, we jumped up from the table, looking in Gavin's mouth. Jayden picked him up out of his highchair and started doing back blows ( which is like the hemlich maneuver for babies) After a few times hitting him on the back he started to cough and breathe again. This frightened Gavin and he was shaken up because of it. I'm so grateful that Jayden's instincts kicked in and that Gavin was only without air for a few seconds. Still that even that took place in less than a minute, seemed like an eternity. As a Mom, watching your baby not be able to breathe is a horrifying experience, and you feel so helpless. Gavin was back to himself in just a few minutes, and he was acting completely normal, however it is something that I will never forget. My mom and I had tickets to a musical over on the U's campus. I knew that Gavin was fine, and that Jayden would take good care of him, but it was so hard to say goodbye to him after a traumatic event like that. The image of Gavin not being able to breathe has been haunting me all day. Last night was not a good night's sleep either. Gavin woke up around midnight, and didn't fall back asleep until 3:30, which meant I didn't go to sleep until about 4. But I actually didn't mind. We cuddled and played together and even watched an Elmo. It was comforting to hold him in my arms and know that he was safe and healthy. As Jayden and I were talking about this that had happened, it raised many questions. Are we prepared in an emergency like this? We both have been trained on child first aid/CPR, but were we current on our knowledge. Last night we did some research to see the proper ways to administer first aid/CPR. All parents should know and learn these things, it could save your child's life. I am embarrassed now that I wasn't that prepared for an emergency.

I thank my Heavenly Father for watching over us and protecting us. I have felt the hand of the Lord many times, especially after my anxiety picks up a bit, to help me calm down and have a feeling of peace. This event opened my eyes, and makes me want to slow down and just appreciate the little moments in life. Hug your loved ones close!

For those Mom's out there...do you experience anxiety at all? What do you do to help cope with anxiety and worrying? I would love to hear from you!

Last night, after a long day

Watching Elmo at 3 in the morning